I am borderline obsessed with baby headbands.
No, I am not one of those moms that carried an intricately knitted masterpiece in my overnight bag at the hospital – just waiting for the moment when I could take my little girl’s first picture – for the baby headband to be exposed in all its glory.
NO. My obsession goes much deeper than that.
I loathe baby headbands. And they are everywhere. I. look.
How did this even become a trend? I don’t see famous people’s babies with these things on their head. Did some Etsy crafter decide one day to just sew a bunch of buttons and felt pieces onto a piece of elastic, then added feathers and whatever other piece of scrap material she had lying around – then decided that it was just perfect to adorn a baby’s head? What newborn photographer thought they’d be a great addition to their pictures? They completely take away from the baby and make the freaking headband the focal point.
Moms – you don’t need to fancy up your baby and try to make them look like some strange version of a flapper girl (please do not get me started on photos with headbands and pearls). We get it. You are so fucking shabby chic. Vintage, even. You go girl.
My favorite, though…my most favorite of favorites…the Etsy headband’s redneck cousin, which is basically just a piece of stretchy web-like fabric with a big ass fake flower hot glued onto it. There is a booth with a million of these atrocities at every farmer’s market I go to. I see them at restaurants and at the mall.
I went to the parent meeting for Mini-Me’s Girl Scout troop and there was a woman facing away from me. I could see that she was wearing a baby sling and thought to myself, “Yes! Another mom with a baby! Maybe I can make a friend”. Then, she turned around and her baby was sporting a big black daisy on her head. I couldn’t do it. Her and I are not compatible.
I am not knocking hair bows, making your baby look all cute and girly, fixing their hair, or even the use of headbands really. There have been a few that I’ve seen and for a split second have thought that they were just adorable. But there is a time for that. Like, when your baby’s neck is strong enough to support the weight of the trinkets on their head. Or, better yet, when they are older. Like, almost school age older.
Little girls in headbands: so cute.
Babies in headbands: weird.
So, take this as my plea, moms. Please stop buying this garbage. Your baby is precious and doesn’t need anything extra to make it that way. Or…your baby is butt ugly and you are just drawing attention to their strangeness. Either way, enough is enough.
“We get it. You are so fucking shabby chic. Vintage, even. You go girl.”
I’m dyin over here! Hahahahah.
Bahahahahahaha. That was my favorite line.
I’m with you. I have been known to put a ribbon headband on C when we are going out and she’s wearing a gender-neutral outfit, because it’s awkward for everyone when strangers comment on your handsome boy when she’s really a beautiful girl. But I sooooo know what you’re talking about. I’d also like to add people who get their infant’s ears pierced. I just.don’t.get.it. That fourth picture down is so unfortunate. Poor baby.
I just don’t even know what that mom was thinking. Poor kid.
Oh! I just thought of another one…people who put bracelets on their babies. I don’t understand that one either. Gummy has a gender neutral stroller/carrier, so I’ve stayed away from gender neutral outfits. I just hate having to give dirty looks to people when they call my baby a boy. It still happens, though. She has enough hair that I can pull it into little pig tails on top of her head, so I do that occasionally. On a good day, it’s freaking adorable. When she’s cranky, it reminds me too much of Jim Carrey’s woman bodybuilder character on In Living Color – Vera. It freaks me out.
I don’t get bracelets either! On top of just looking tacky, it seems like a terrible choking hazard.
I put bracelets and a headband on my daughter BUT I had good (in my mind) reasons for both. We adopted from China and our daughter came to us at 13 months old with a shaved head. She had a one-inch stubble all over her head. I got tired of people asking if she was a boy then telling me I should pierce her ears, dress her in pink (YUK), etc., etc. So, for special occasions, I’d plop a headband with a discrete bow on it on her head. Also, the girls are given silver bell bracelets by their caretakers. It’s a Chinese good luck tradition. So, we had a couple of those that she wore occasionally. Otherwise? I don’t think I’d decorate my baby. Didn’t decorate my son and he was born to us. By two he had the most beautiful curls and it was only under duress that I cut them so he’d “look like a boy.”
It not so much little bows that I’m fed up with and cultural traditions are special and should be honored. I just can’t stand these huge flowers and feathery things that moms are putting on their girl’s heads!
I once saw a boy with long gorgeous curls. He was the most mesmerizingly beautiful child I think I’ve ever seen. Those people that told you to cut your sons hair can suck it